So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
