"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
