im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
