I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
