I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
