Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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