So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize