if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
