I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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