This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There r osticjed everywhere
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
