but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sober January is a disaster.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
