He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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