I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
