so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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