I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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