so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
