it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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