grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize