My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize