I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
