if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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