hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
