just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
