now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's the barista slut.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
