i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
