Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
