I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and she was petting her beer can
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize