If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
