i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a search helicopter?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The Olympian is in my bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
