rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
