I could make wine with my vomit
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
