you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
