well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
