At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize