Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
