I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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