dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
whose ass print is on the piano?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
