Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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