I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
