God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
