My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
