Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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