you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize