He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
