If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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