Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The air taste purple.
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