my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
