i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
