I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
