he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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