Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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