He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
