i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
