So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
