Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
