O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
