i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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