Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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