Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
