He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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