the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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