Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
