By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
