He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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