College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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