Im at strip club and am horny
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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