I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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