the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
