Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
