I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
