Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
