Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
