That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
